Kelso's take on drugs in drinking water

An interesting look at the newest fear in America, from the point of view of John Kelso in the Austin American-Statesman. Kelso is a keeper.

COMMENTARY: JOHN KELSO
Drug-free water shows sea change in Austin culture
Maybe SXSW will add a buzz to our tap water.Tuesday, March 11, 2008
You want to know how much Austin has changed since I moved here 32 years ago? I'll tell you.
In a study of drinking water in cities across America done by The Associated Press, Austin was one of just three places where traces of pharmaceuticals didn't show up in the water.
Ain't no way this study would have turned out like that back in 1976. In the '70s, an investigation of our drinking water would have turned up several joints floating on top, along with a box of rolling papers from Oat Willie's, and a couple of Roky Erickson music posters.
The study really did discover minute amounts of drugs in drinking water in 24 major U.S. metropolitan areas, but not in Austin. We're talking about tiny amounts measured in parts per billion or trillion. How does the stuff get in there? Simple. You take a pill. You go to the bathroom. The water is flushed, then treated at a water treatment plant. But the filtering process isn't able to catch everything. So small amounts of drugs end up in the drinking water.
So what does this mean? You've seen the TV ads for Cialis, right? So if you're an old guy and you have a personal problem that lasts over a minute and a half, you should call your doctor and ask if city water is right for you.
Also discovered in the mix were veterinary drugs. The good news is that you're a little less likely to have fleas or distemper.
What I can't figure out is that with all the Bubbas in South Austin peeing in the yard, how come they didn't find trace elements of Shiner?
Also, I'm wondering what effect this week's South by Southwest Music Festival will have on Austin water. With so many drummers in town, you might be able to pour yourself a glass of water and get a buzz.
I also wonder whether this revelation will hurt bottled water sales in other parts of the country. When word of this study gets out, you might have aging hippies all over America trying to recapture their youth by waterboarding themselves at the kitchen sink.
In this investigation, you could tell who was taking what in various parts of the country by what kind of residue showed up in their water. A sex hormone was found in San Francisco's drinking water. Let me make a wild guess and say it wasn't testosterone. Meanwhile, downstream in Southern California, they found anxiety medications. Big surprise, huh? You'd be anxious, too, if you had to spend your life wearing $500 sunglasses while worrying about a brush fire burning down your house.
Of course, with all these uptight Californians moving to Austin, I'm surprised our water isn't 68 percent Xanax, with a Perrier chaser.
John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.